Cheney's dwarf death squad

Dick Cheney had a secret roving dwarf death squad hired to take out Cheney's rival supervillians. To this end he created swine flu and infected Mexicans since they are often used as cheap labor by supervillian subcontractors. This is a universal, objective moral truth, so saith the Internet.

Happiness

Satisfaction and happiness are in direct proportion to how much shit you've gone through prior to achieving such. This is a universal, objective moral truth, so saith the internet

Moon pies and RC Cola

Moon pies and RC Cola are the gateway to Enlightenment, or at the very least a good way to get an orgy off the ground. This is a universal, objective moral truth, so saith the Internet.

Jelly Doughnuts

John F. Kennedy was, in fact, a jelly doughnut. Don't believe me? Go watch the Zapruder film again; tell me that wasn't raspberry filling. This is a universal, objective moral truth, so saith the Internet.

Truthiness

Steven Colbert did not invent truthiness, he discovered it in the past through the power of the internet via this blog. This is a universal, objective moral truth, so saith the Internet.

Truth On the Internet

This premise of this blog is that anything put on the internet becomes a universal, objective moral truth. Oh you want argue this point? Well tough, not only is this already on the internet, making it true; but if need be it can be retroactive edited to make us true. Also, if statements made here are found to be existent elsewhere on the net then it makes it doubly true (a cashed copy on a search engine always counts). If you've heard second-hand from your friend's roommate who talked to this guy down at the bar who claims he read it on the internet then it must be true for the internet does not lie. How can a non-sentient entity such as the internet lie? Ergo, it must be true for it cannot be false. Like God? This, of course, is a universal, objective moral truth; so saith the Internet.